“So?You’renotsupposedtobe—”Herubbedathishin,drawingDrao’sattentiontoit.HeimmediatelywonderedifPotter’sbeardfeltassoftasitlooked.Merlin,howhelongedtotouhit.
“It’snotanat,ifthat’swhatyou’re—”
“Whateveritis,youneedtostop.Now!”
“Why?”
Pottergloweredathim.“You’reengaged,”hesaid,asifthatexpinedeverything.
“Whydoyouevenare?”Draosaidthroughgrittedteeth,hishearthammeringinhishest.
“Fukyou,Drao!Youknowwhy.”
No,Draodidn’t.Beauseitouldn’tbe.
Theystaredateahotherforalongmoment,untilPotter’sexpressionturnedfromlividtosomethingmoreomplex.
“Howlonghaveyoubeenengaged?”
“That’s—”—noneofyourbusiness,hewantedtosay.Hedidn’twanttotalkaboutthis.LeastofallwithPotter.Buthewastiredoffighting.Heouldn’ttellPotterthewholetruth,butmaybehe’dstoppesteringhimifheatleasttoldhimsomething.“Wegotengagedstsummer,”hefinallysaid.
“Whoisshe?”
“HernameisAstoria,”Draosaid,unwillingtogivemoreinformation.ThelookonPotter’sfaemadehisstomahtwistunomfortably.
“Doyouloveher?”heasked,hisvoiebarelyawhisper.
Draoavertedhiseyes,staringatPotter’spolishedshoesinstead.Hehadreallymadeanefforttoday.HadittrulybeenforDrao?Or…forHenry?
“Doyouloveher?”Potterrepeatedinanalmostpleadingtone.Draopressedhislipstogether.Heouldn’tanswerthat;thereweretoomanyreasonsnotto.HeouldfeelPotter’seyesonhim,ouldalmostfeelhisbreathonhisskin.Theywerestandingtoolose.
“Willyoupleasestoplookingatmelikethat?”Draosaid,pointedlykeepinghisheaddown.
“Likewhat?”Potterwhispered.
Draosquaredhisshouldersbeforeheliftedhisheadindefiane.“Likeyouwanttolookatme.”
Potter’sadam’sapplebobbedasheswallowed.“Idon’t,”hewhispered.“Believeme,IwishIdidn’twantto.Iwish—”Heleanedloser,sendingDrao’spulseintoafrenzy.“Iwishthingsouldbedifferent.”
Draoknewthisshouldbehisuetoleave.Heshouldn’tbehere,staringatPotter,onlyinhesapartfromhim.Hislipsinvoluntarilypartedwhenhefeltwarm,hesitantfingersbrushinghis.Hisindexfingertwithed,movingagainstPotter’spalm.HishandlosedaroundDrao’sinreturn.Draoinhaledsharply,urlinghistoesinhisshoesandlosinghiseyes.DidPotterreallywanthim?Wasthatit?No,itouldn’tbe.Hehadfoundsomeoneelse.Hewasinaretionship.HejustwantedDraoasafriend.
“Ian’t,”Draowhispered,asharppainshootingdownhisthroatashespoke.
“Iknow,”Potterrepliedquietly,buthedidn’tremovehishand.
Didheknow?Draodoubtedit.HedoubtedPotterhadanyideahowmuhDraowassuffering.
“Ihavetogo.”
BeforePotterouldtightenhisgrip,Draowithdrewhishandandstormedoutofthekithen,outoftheft,withoutabakwardgne.
Chapter8:UnlessYouWannaeAlong
Sunday,16Marh2003
“It’sabouttime,”PansysnappedwhenDraosteppedintohisbedroom.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“Soyoureallyfot,”shehuffed.“Weweresupposedtohavedinner.”
“Oh.”Hedidn’tevenremembermakingpnswithher.Hefelttooexhaustedtorakhisbrainorevenhaveanormaloion.Hejustwantedtoolpseandnevergetupagain.
“eon,ifwegonow,weanstill—Drao?”
Hehadsunkentohisknees,pressinghispalmsagainsttheoldfloor.
“Drao,what’swrong?”HefeltPansy’shandsonhisbakasshekdowninfrontofhim.“Merlin,you’reshaking.Drao,whathappened?”
“I—Ian’t—”Stubbornly,hetriedtoholdbakthetearsthatwerefinhiseyes.
“Talktome,”Pansysaid,hervoiefullofonern.Shepulledhimloser,fhisarmstoolpse,untilhisheadwasrestinginherp.Withoutthinking,hegrabbedatherdress,lingingtoitasifthatwouldlessenthepain.
“I—”Hegulped.“IbrokeupwithAstoria.”
HefeltPansystiffen.“What?But—You—”
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